It Shouldn't Be This Way
by SyllableFromSound
Summary: "The sight made me glance over, lose focus, just for a moment...And that was plenty of time to witness my world being shattered." A Black*Star/Tsubaki mission goes horribly wrong. T for safety. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**MAH SECOND FIC! X3 And my first one that will (hopefully) have multiple chapters. There will probably be a bit of Black*Star bashing in this story...I just hope he doesn't seem too OC. Anyway, enough of my prattle...READ, PLEASE!**

**DISCLAIMER: I...*sniff* I...I don't own Soul Eater! *goes to cry in Mr. Corner***

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Black*Star POV

Red.

That was what I saw, all I could see. That was the color that stood out so starkly, so vibrantly, with such a horrid beauty against the dullness of wet ground and grey sky. That was what first grabbed my attention. The sight made me glance over, lose focus, just for a moment. Just for one very small fraction of a second.

And that was plenty of time for me to witness my world being shattered like a bullet colliding with glass.

And it was also enough for me to realize that it was entirely my doing.

Red.

What a stupid, sickening color.

The color of hatred, of war.

Red, the color of blood.

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**3rd-person POV**

"Come _on, _Tsubaki!" The blue-haired shinobi strode out in front of his partner, boldly leading the way. The white scarf wrapped around his neck, the one he'd gotten after joining the elite unit Spartoi, flapped behind him with every step. He seemed to radiate even more foolhardy confidence than usual—if that was possible. "You know we've had harder missions than this before! What's the apprehension about?"

Said girl flinched at this. It was true, there had been more difficult missions. And they'd easily prevailed in the past. Now, though, it was different. She knew this was true; he was still blissfully unaware.

"Y-yes…" she muttered in reluctant agreement. She couldn't let him know—at least not yet, she couldn't tell him. "But don't you think we should at least ask Shinigami-sama before we take this thing on?"

Black*Star laughed out loud and shook his head at her. "He'll be much more impressed when we surprise him with our witch's soul. I'll bet he'll finally admit to my surpassing him!" He paused and turned to look into his partners indigo eyes. A smirk appeared on his face, one that just barely revealed the soft spot he held for his weapon. "And then you'll finally become a Death Scythe."

Tsubaki returned his grin with a small, warm one of her own. "Right," she replied convincingly enough. But just as she did—there, it had come back again. The relentless pounding and throbbing in within her skull quickly escalated into sharp pains, like a knife penetrating deeper and deeper into her with every shaky breath she took. The pangs began to spread throughout her body like a snake's venom, using her veins and arteries as highways. She instinctively clutched her head, as though she could also somehow grab the soreness that racked her.

Black*Star had by this time gotten a ways ahead of her, not noticing that she had come to a halt behind him until now. He looked over his shoulder just after she noticed him doing so. Hastily she straightened and ran her fingers through her ebony hair.

He didn't quite buy it, casting a suspicious glance her way. "What's the matter?" he questioned, knowing fully that she would downplay whatever physical pain she was suffering and push it away. She was strong in that regard.

As expected, she gave her usual response. "It's just a headache," she said brightly, ignoring the discomfort that still had not left her. She stepped over to her Meister, who was still eyeing her carefully.

Her smile grew broader. "Lead the way."

He stared at her for a moment longer, then let out a sigh. He knew he wasn't going to get any sort of real answer out of her, no matter how much he prodded. Besides, if they didn't hurry they'd never make it to the train station on time. "Alright then, let's go." He took off at a run, and she quickly followed.

He _would _surpass the gods…he'd make sure of it.

_Why hasn't the pain subsided by now? _The ninja girl thought this as she raced to keep up with her energetic partner. _It's never lasted this long before._

She refused to reveal the fact that every time her feet slammed the down onto the hard, cold sidewalk, it was a test of her endurance. Every time she so much as moved, it seemed, an electric shock would coarse through her. Something was wrong—it had never been this intense since she'd first experienced it two months ago. Should she tell Black*Star?

_No, _she told herself silently, fiercely. _He'd never be able to do anything about it anyway. We're so close…I can't allow this to hold us back. _She knew that once she became a Death Scythe, the force that was causing this agony would be overpowered by her soul wavelength. All they needed was this witch's soul. She looked at her partner as they both slid to a stop in front of the train.

_…I won't let it beat me._

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**...Was that good? Because I feel like it was WAY too short and rushed. :s Not really up to my usual standard...but I won't know unless you REVIEW! Tell me whether or not to go along with it! PLEASE! **


	2. Chapter 2

**THANK YOU to all my reviewers! I made this chapter a lot longer than the last, just for you! :3 And also because that was one of my friend's complaints about this story...XD Anyway, once again: enjoy!**

**Black*Star POV**

_Why?_

That one question races through my head as I collapse to my knees in utter shock and pain and horror. It flashed before my widened eyes like a neon sign.

_Why?—_I'm drowning in that word. It's all that registers in my mind. I try to think of something else, anything else, to relieve the constant, cruel rhythm of that single word beating itself again and again against my consciousness, like waves plowing into the shore. But I can't. It won't relent. It just keeps coming back.

_Why?_

No, it's impossible. It couldn't happen. I'm a god, aren't I? I can't have really allowed it to turn out this way. It can't have!

_Why?_

_Why?_

_Why?_

Someone, stop that word. Stop that horrible word before it eats me alive.

_I have to wake up now…_

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**3****rd****-person POV**

"YAHOO!"

"Black*Star, _please _be quiet!"

A familiar scene was playing out between weapon and meister as they weaved through an obstacle coarse of oaks and pines, trying to prevent themselves from slipping on the muddy, waterlogged ground as they ran. They'd been attempting to track their enemy for over an hour now, and had so far remained undiscovered (though with Black*Star's voice, it wasn't certain how long they would remain that way).

The blue-haired ninja skidded to a stop suddenly, a broad grin on his face. His partner behind him halted just quickly enough to avoid bumping into him. "HA-HA! My godly senses tell me this is the place where we will find our enemy. And then I shall strike them down!"

He looked so confident Tsubaki almost had to force herself to break the news to him. "Black*Star, we're nowhere near the right place. We're supposed to be looking for the witch in some sort of den…"

She was interrupted by a flame-colored flash bolting out of the depths of the dim forest with astounding speed. They both moved out of the way with less than a second to spare; the object sailed past them, creating a gust of air as it went, and slammed a hole through the thick trunk of one of the most ancient pines in the woods. They watched as, just as quickly as it had struck out, the thing was pulled away, back into the darkness.

"Damn it, what the hell was that?"

As if in response to Black*Star's question, another burst of red-orange came flying out of the trees, still moving to quickly to make out. This time, it slammed into a nearby boulder. The huge chunk of rock cracked, then split in two, the jagged edges sharp enough to slice skin wide open. This time, in the split second before it once again retreated, he took in every detail he could: the thing seemed to be covered in some sort of hair—no—it was more like fur, and with an indeterminable length. It looked almost like…a tail.

He watched again as it was yanked back, the maze of tree trunks once again hiding it safely from view.

"Tsubaki!"

"Right!" A yellow gleam was seen, and suddenly the raven-haired girl was replaced by the short, thin blade of the ninja sword. Black*Star caught the weapon as it fell back to earth, positioning it in front of his body in a defensive position. Next time, he'd be ready.

"Alright! Come on out now and see how you like it!" The boy's eye's glinted with eagerness as he waited for the next strike.

Instead of another flash, though, something else came drifted out of the forest. It was a sound, one that was probably supposed to resemble a laugh, but was more like a series of short canine yelps. Both meister and weapon tensed as the noise gradually grew louder, and then as it was accompanied by footsteps. Then, there was a voice—a voice that was full of both malice and blood-thirsty anticipation. "My, what cute little kits we have here…"

Out before them stepped someone who appeared human, and at the same time could not possibly be one. The barking laughter was coming out of her fanged mouth. Her fiery hair hung down to her waist, sticking out wildly in places at the top of her head. Poking out of the mop of hair were two pointed ears of the same color, automatically twitching and swiveling at any and every sound. Red, crazed eyes were wide open and staring like a beast intent on its prey. Her most notable feature, though, was behind her. Waving and swishing around in the air like strange serpents were eight fox tails—eight of the things that had almost killed them.

"You've crossed into the realm of Vulpa the Kitsune Witch, have you?" The strange woman spoke with an evil growl in her throat.

Her opponent straightened indignantly. "What the hell are you going on about? This is _my _realm, for I am a _god!_"

The witch's odd semblance of a laugh escalated until the yelps turned into howls. "HA-HA! What a funny little kit you are! I should like to have some fun with you before I murder you." Her eight tails began wagging more quickly and frantically, as if on display. "You see these?" she asked, as though they weren't impossible to miss. "Only eight of them, so far. Powerful, yes…but not nearly powerful enough for me. But here's the good side, you see: once I eat your soul, I'll have all nine tails. _I'll _be the most powerful witch! _Me!_And with that, I'll be able to defeat a whole pack of you Shibusen snots."

This time it was Black*Star's turn to snicker at her. "Oh, please…you aren't capable of that power. Now, enough talking. Tsubaki, let's go!"

The weapon nodded, and allowed his wavelength to seep into her, to steadily beat with the rhythm of her own in a perfect balance. As this happened, she suddenly became aware of the soft plink of against her blade. It had begun to rain. _How ironic, _she mused as the sprinkle quickly began to develop into a downpour, drops pounding into the ground and turning already soaked dirt to rivers of mud. She remembered a day exactly like this a couple of years ago. It was the day the twosome got their first Kishin soul…that of her brother. It was the day she received his wavelength and preserved it within her own. And it was ironic because, now, that was the same wavelength that was causing her pain. It was the one that threatened to swallow her entire spirit alive. The power was too much strain for her soul to bear. That's why she had to become a Death Scythe, so she could take control of it.

But, of course, her partner didn't know that.

Black*Star launched himself off the ground and flew at the witch with livid determination. She only grinned back at him, showing off her inch-long canines. She didn't even feel the need to move as one of her tails elongated and struck the ninja in mid-air, sending him crashing back to earth. He felt the wind rush out of him as he slammed back into the ground. He felt the taste of blood in his mouth.

"Damn it, since when is fur that hard?" He jumped at her, striking again and again, only to continue getting pushed back.

"You truly are hysterical! It almost makes me want to keep you alive…almost."

Black*Star glared at his powerful opponent. "This isn't working. Tsubaki, you know what to do!"

"Right!" The short sword immediately grew, lengthening into the sleek form of a black katana. Once again, he faced his opponent. "Zeroth Form. Masamune."

He was just about to go at the fox-woman again, when he was brutally stopped by a scream.

"Tsubaki?"

His weapon could not answer. She felt like her insides were being torn out and replaced with fire. She felt a thousand needles penetrating her skin at once, over every inch of her body. She felt a white-hot burning moving through her, progressing rapidly throughout her body with every pulse, every breath. She would've been pleading, praying for the indescribable agony to stop had her thoughts not been clouded by a red haze.

"Tsubaki, what—" He was cut off as another tail hit him squarely in the chest, sending him flying backward into a tree. Still, his first concern was his weapon. "What happened?" he questioned frantically.

By this time she had already reverted back into her ninja sword form. The torturing pain had mercifully receded, but her shallow, quick breathing said that she still had not recovered from shock.

Black*Star was so distracted that he had not noticed one of the tails sneaking up on him, silently wrapping around his neck like a macabre scarf, until it was already choking him, sucking the life out of him like a boa constrictor preparing its next meal. The Kitsune Witch slowly walked up to him as he desperately gasped for air. Her head was cocked slightly to one side, like a curious dog, and she wore the same, broad, sharp smile. Her long fingernails grew into vicious, black, three-foot-long claws. She positioned them straight at his chest. "Time to die, you adorable little kit."

**There was a flash of color in front of him. Then, nothing.**

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**CLIFFHANGER! I'm soooo mean...XD Anyway, I NEED MORE COMMENTS! They feed my soul! 0_o I honestly don't care if you tell me it's the worst thing you've ever read, just TALK TO ME! XP**


	3. Chapter 3

**Black*Star POV**

Pain.

It's just a state of mind, people say—those people who think that textbooks and lectures have any meaning, who think that they can truly understand suffering by memorizing the theories of some scientists.

Pain.

They've devised all kinds of ways to alleviate physical pain. Why then, they ask, should it be possible to get rid of emotional pain as well? They want to toy with the brain using their little machines and see how it works. They want to get to the very root of grief as though it's a specimen floating in formaldehyde. They want to examine it, pull it apart, see what makes it tick.

They want to dissect pain.

And they're clueless.

They want to see how pain works? Let them see for themselves, firsthand. Let them go through what others have, and see what they learn then—see if what they learn is in their precious medical journals.

Pain.

They'll learn about pain, alright.

Because I can guarantee that whoever thinks that pain has no value…that it's just an ancient survival mechanism…that with the right technology, it can just be whisked away like dust on the breeze…

Whoever thinks that has never truly experienced it.

…

So, back to the beginning.

Red…

**3****rd****-person POV**

For a while, his eyes remained firmly shut. And he liked it that way. He floated in a sea of peaceful, benign blackness, apart from the world outside him. For a short time, it seemed as though closing his eyes shut off all of his other senses as well. In those brief moments, he could not hear the wind in the trees above or the forceful drumming of the pouring rain, heavy drops falling with such force that they made tiny dents in the earth. He could not feel the water running down his face. His closed eyelids hid all. He knew, albeit only vaguely so, that there were things around him, beyond his shelter of darkness. But for now, he did not care. He enjoyed this nothingness.

Perhaps somehow, in his subconscious mind, he knew that opening his eyes would all at once reveal the horror of what just happened. And perhaps that scared him. He wanted to stay here, in this world behind his eyes. That's why he didn't open them immediately. In fact, the only reason he eventually did so was because something all of a sudden occurred to him.

_I'm not dead yet…_

Very slowly, after what seemed like an eternity, he opened his eyes.

…And that's when he saw the red.

The hot liquid ran down his face like sweat. It was splattered on his legs and soaked into his clothes. With a weak and trembling hand, he touched some of it. It stayed there, a single droplet on his finger. His breathing—_I can breathe?_—quickened rapidly as he stared at the speck of blood there. He looked down to see it spilled all over the ground beneath him in one large puddle. It dripped down off him still, adding to the mess of the rain-drenched dirt.

He wasn't one to become sick at the sight of gore, of course. By now, he'd almost gotten used to it. But this was something different—the sheer amount of it coming from him was shocking, and it was a wonder that he hadn't passed out yet.

Anxiously, still shaking, he looked for the inevitable fatal wound on his body from which the blood had its source.

He was shocked to find nothing.

_What the…_In his confusion, he suddenly became aware that the fox witch's tail was still wrapped around his neck, though it did not have the same death-grip on him. He carefully took it off and tossed it carelessly aside.

_The witch…_

He looked at the limp mass of fur by his side, then turned to gaze in at the sight in front of him. By some amazing phenomenon, he hadn't seen it when he'd first opened his eyes…probably because he couldn't imagine something he'd want to see less.

What he saw was claw piercing stomach, blade penetrating throat. He saw exactly where the blood had its gruesome origins. He saw the pure horror of the reality outside his black sea.

He saw a familiar pair of big, gorgeous indigo eyes widened in anguish—frozen in time, it seemed. The massive claw of the wild Kitsune Witch glinted evilly, lodged into the weapon's middle; part of it protruded through her back on the other side. Yet more of the red substance ran down it in small rivers like crimson tears.

No…it wasn't possible.

This was some sort of hallucination, like when he'd been in Asura's lair. It was a mirage, a fantasy.

He refused_, refused _to believe it.

He wouldn't.

So why did he still stare, with a tornado of agony and shock and terror and rage and a thousand other emotions swirling inside him, blowing, ripping him apart? Why did his heart feel like it had plummeted dropped to his feet, leaving nothing but a growing lump in his throat? Why did her name build up inside him until he couldn't hold it in any longer?

_"TSUBAKI!"_

For a time that felt like longer than forever, his voice echoed through the woods until fading into eerie silence. Then came a whimper so faint and so feeble that at first he wasn't sure he really heard it. But still he looked over…cautiously, reluctantly, he glanced back over at the repulsive scene.

That's when he realized her arm was not there. She had replaced it with the steel of her sword blade in the seconds before getting skewered, and it now rested in the witch's neck. The enemy's eyes were dead, glazed over, staring out at nothing in particular. And yet, she had not quite left yet—her wavelength, however muffled and weak, was still present. It defiantly continued to beat out a delicate but surprisingly steady rhythm.

And Black*Star would not allow it. He wouldn't let that sickening beat pollute this world any longer.

But before he could hear the satisfying crack of her skull breaking beneath the crushing pressure of his hands, she spoke—she spoke with a voice that, like everything else about this unworthy life form, disgusted him. The words were cold and rasping, but still loud enough that he could make them out. _"You've…won…little kit._ _Here's…your trophy." _ With the last ounce of strength in her body, she committed her final act of cruelty. She retracted her claws like a cat, pulling them out of her opponent's stomach, tearing muscle and tissue as they went.

The Dark Arm collapsed to the ground with a surprisingly loud, blood-curdling yell. Her meister rushed immediately to her side as the fox witch stood there for a moment, before also falling with a malicious smirk still present on her face as her soul was finally extinguished.

The blue-haired assassin wanted so much to rip at the lifeless body like a savage dog, to dismantle it and then send all the pieces to the ends of the earth. He never wanted the likes of her anywhere other than Hell. He could almost feel his pupils morphing into the shape of a five-pointed star.

But he stared down at his weapon—at her labored and shallow breathing, at the huge wound in her stomach—he pushed it aside immediately.

"…Tsubaki?" His voice was a shaking, tentative whisper.

At first no response; then, she slowly opened one eye to gaze at him. She said something in an almost inaudible voice, but he knew she had spoken his name. Even that seemed to require significant effort for her.

As carefully as possible, he lifted her up off the ground in a way that he hoped would cause her the least pain, avoiding the red stain that was still spreading all over her clothes.

After he reached the nearest hospital, it was all a daze. The world suddenly morphed into a blur of vague colors and shapes, indistinguishable and unimportant. People swarmed around him like bees, coming and going, while he stood desolately in the midst of them. He did not notice the other meister and weapon teams that had come with him on this extracurricular mission, glancing at him with unwanted pity. He did not notice the girl with sand-colored pigtails and green eyes tearing up at the news, nor her white haired weapon staring sadly down at his feet. He was in his own world, not seeing or feeling any of what was around him. Suddenly, he longed for that blackness he had existed in, just before all of this happened.

He grasped it fully now—the pieces had been put together.

That flash of color she'd seen in front of him at the very last second—that was her.

She'd sacrificed herself, without a second thought.

She did it all.

There was only one other image he remembered about that day, so vivid and clear in his mind. It was that of a doctor, clipboard in hand, stepping slowly out of one of the many doorways that lined the hospital corridor. Reluctance and remorse was in his eyes as he began to speak.

"I'm sorry, Black*Star…"

But that was all said boy wanted or needed to hear. He knew the rest.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry I skipped last week! The truth is I had a HORRIBLE case of writer's block, and this morning I basically had to force myself to get this chapter done. Therefore, it was rather hastily put together. And yes, I realize I forgot to put in an author's note last time, because I'm an _idiot. _=_= Anyway, once again, I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thanks once again to my AWESOME reviewers! **

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**Black*Star POV**

…

What is there to say?

…

_What is there to say?_

**3****rd****-person POV**

He didn't always remember things easily. He didn't like looking back on anything or anyone—it was a waste of time to consider things that have already happened. Doing so slowed him down, and that wasn't his way. He always had to keep moving, keep pushing himself, keep going forward, forward, never stopping. Even a god needed every ounce of energy he could get in this age: he couldn't afford to waste any on memories.

At least, that's what he always thought.

That's what he thought…before he found himself carrying his limp, fatally wounded partner in his arms.

This was the person who had acknowledged him when no one else would, the warm, kind human being who accepted and even embraced the faults that he himself tried to deny he had, even though he subconsciously always knew they were there. She dispelled his inner darkness and helped the tiny speck of light inside him—the speck of hope amid the inherent insanity of his clan—and built on it. She turned him into someone. She helped him on his quest to become a deity.

Yes, he had risen above the Earth and Sky only because she had stood beside him the entire time.

And now here they both were. She was slowly suffering, dying before him…and what was he doing? Was he trying to stop it?

No, because he couldn't stop it. He didn't have the ability.

What was this feeling? Was it…helplessness?

"Black…Star."

The dark-haired girl's voice came ever so slightly louder this time. It seemed that the two words used up every breath of air in her lungs.

His head snapped down to look at her, his wide and frantic eyes connecting with her sapphire ones. He didn't slow his pace.

"Don't talk," he commanded, trying and failing to keep all emotion out of his voice. "Just rest for now."

She ignored him. "A…a-are y-you alright?"

He stared at her for several long seconds before rolling his eyes and sighing loudly. Typical—she'd been gored through the stomach and was now teetering on the very edge of unconsciousness, and her first concern was how _he _was doing. But he had to smile. Sometimes, especially in times like these, that was all you could think of to do. Maybe that's why he was immature and obnoxious sometimes…alright, pretty much all the time. Maybe it was his way of laughing in the dark, so to speak.

And was that why she decided to stay with him? Was that why she willingly put up with all of it? Maybe he was her laughter in the dark, and she his. They faced it together, bound by the ties a meister and weapon shared. And perhaps something more as well…

_Wait, what? _He couldn't lose focus like this now, not while her life was on the line. He sped up until he was almost running, driving himself through the rain, which had since finally lessened into a weak drizzle. The weather seemed to mock him relentlessly—it seemed that as the heaviness and force of the pour seemed to gradually diminish, so did her wavelength. He could feel it, fading, ever so slowly fading…

"D-don't go…so fast…" Her voice was nothing more than a whisper. But he pretended he hadn't heard her plea, refusing to slow down. Seeing this, she drew in several shaky and seemingly painful breaths before speaking again, this time with a tone that was somewhat louder and more forceful. _"Don't."_

The boy shook his head. Irritation and grim resolve curled his lips into a frown. "Shut up." He hadn't meant for his reply to be so harsh, but he couldn't help it, not with all the anger that was boiling into a stew of rage inside him. It was a wild animal trapped within the cage of his body, just waiting to escape and pounce on an unwary victim. He was angry that witch, that _creature, _that _thing _that had done this. He was angry at his rival deities up above, the ones that were jealous of his greatness, for allowing this to take place. Maybe he was even just a little angry with her, for giving up, for letting herself drift away and leave him alone there.

The truth was, he was looking for someone to blame. But he knew—it was he himself that he was furious with. If she didn't live, it would be because of him…and he refused to live with that, knowing that. He wouldn't be able to go on.

"Do…do you remember it?"

This time, just for a moment, her words made him stop. Slowly, he looked down at her…and she was smiling, almost in a mischievous way. He couldn't help but copy her grin. He didn't have to be told what "it" was…he remembered it perfectly.

The day they met—the day she alone clapped for his performance on the roof of Shibusen—they went back to the small off-campus apartment they had rented. They'd both settled in quickly, and by evening they had already managed to unpack most of what they'd brought with them—it wasn't like they had a lot at that time.

She watched him, as he leapt around the room with his boundless energy, every so often hopping on the coffee table to proclaim his greatness. She didn't stop him; she merely watched for a while, a look of mild amusement on her face.

"You know, you don't have to do all of that around me. You can be yourself."

He stopped in his tracks, and slowly turned to look at her. She wore a knowing smirk on her face, and let out a soft giggle as she noticed the look of confusion in his green eyes.

"You can be yourself…" Had anyone ever once asked him to be himself? Had anyone ever in his life not only allowed him to be what he really was, but wanted him to do so? No…because no one could see beyond the package. No one could see behind his attention-seeking games and his troublemaking nature. But she could. _She _knew there was something else there.

She was unconscious when they at last reached the secluded hospital. And it was in that time while he waited, anxious, alone, that he had time to wonder…

When was it that he first started loving her? Was it at one specific point in the course of their partnership that it occurred? Or did it simply build up over time?

_No, _he decided. _It was from the very beginning. I just didn't realize it at the time._

Well, he realized it now. A warped smile, bitter and joyless, crept across his face.

Too late for that now.

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